Babe, what's up, darling?

This is an exchange of emails which happened as I received something that I considered "spam" over and over again; why did he send this to me, I do not know, but in the last 3 months, I have had many of this bloke's emails about his naked parties in the USA.
I dislike being rude to people (at least straight away) so explained to him I rather not receive his useless spam emails anymore. From there, something interesting developped and he took for everyone else that has ever called me "babe".

From: "dave s" <h@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 6:38 PM
To: h@gmail.com
Subject: NAKED GROUP PARTIES IN B/USA
hi,
i host naked group parties, in B, usa. all male, and also bi-male/bi-female. i think you might like them!
more information is at http://blogspot.com
you should be attractive, open minded, drug-free, and disease-free. 95% of the people who attend are height/weight proportionate (in-shape), with ages ranging from 20s to mid 40s.
here's a couple of basic things you should know:
1. condoms/lube/bottled water supplied
2. donation requested (suggested $20-$40 per male for all-male parties, suggested $50-70 per male for male/female parties, women no donation requested)
3. if you say you are coming, but then don't show up, and that happens two times, i will need to remove your email from the party invite list. meaning simply, pls be sure you can ACTUALLY COME before you RSVP.
etc...
dave

On Tue, Nov 11, 2008 at 4:01 PM, c@o.co.uk wrote:
Hello, It's very nice to read about your parties and the email is very interesting; though without saying I will turn up and not do twice so you remove me, can you actually remove me from your list now?
I don't travel and would not attend your parties; I hope they are succesful though and you have many women go; I know in England , naturist parties are always difficult because more men go than women (if any women at all) so it's not very balanced.
All the best
C

From: "dave s" <h@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 12:46 AM
To: c@o.co.uk
Subject: Re: NAKED GROUP PARTIES IN DB/USA
ok darling - i won't send you any more party emails.
well, i went to your website ;) and it is very nice.
best of luck... stay cool.
dave]

On Wed, Nov 12, 2008 at 12:57 PM, c@o.co.uk wrote:
Well, it is a very honest and genuine website you have there!
Congratulations. It really comes across well.
My fav picture is the one of your torso and hand . That is the most warming, comforting, for me, and shows somehow some sensitivity.
I hope it is working well for you.
All the best, C


From: "dave s" <h@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 11:50 PM
To: c@0.co.uk
Subject: Re: NAKED GROUP PARTIES IN B/USA
you like that pic because you are a very sensual and sensitive woman. i can tell, not only from what you write - but also from how you look (i swear - i can tell just by looking at you).
ya, work is going quite well. it's actually been really good from the day i started (except for a very few problems here and there). i love my work.
i do kinda wish we could meet... not for a party, but just for a... meeting.
oh well, if you do ever come over to this side of the ocean, do not hesitate to contact me - i can buy you an american croissant and cafe au lait (oh wait, you probably wouldnt like that!)
ok, i'll buy you whatever you want to eat. we do, in fact, have some very good restaurants here in washington.
kiss,
marcus


On Sun, Nov 16, 2008 at 4:12 PM, c@o.co.uk wrote:
Can you really tell by someone's looks? What if they have tonns of make up? Surely, that is enough to disguise anyone, no? It does it to me. Too much make up or a dark photo are enough to make it difficult to know who the person is.
Yes, I don't know you enough to say I would like to meet but you do sound like an interesting and warm person .
I don't travel very much, and I don't plan any trips to the States.


From: "dave s" <h@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2008 4:29 PM
To: c@o.co.uk
Subject: Re: NAKED GROUP PARTIES IN B/USA
yes, baby - the wide selection of pics helped me to see you.
hmm, i am sure you should plan a trip here.
ok - a little more about me: [...]
http://.blogspot.com
http://.blogspot.com
kiss dave

On Tue, Nov 18, 2008 at 6:11 PM, c@o.co.uk wrote:

Dave, you know the one thing which I felt was utterly wrong in your message?
it is the "Yes, Baby".

I do not know you, we are not intimate, we have not set boundaries which would allow you to call me as such; I do not being called such a demeaning name, by anyone, and I am not that sort of Babe to feel like a Babe and be easy going, sort of masses type woman.
This pissed me off brightly and I needed to tell you that I am not YOUR baby, I am 30 years old and had enough of being a real baby once; and I disagree with all this calling people "babe, darling, love, " when you don't actually know them nor actually have any sort of feeling for them.

I know in your industry you may call your clients or friends like that; it adds a touch of frienship or intimacy maybe, of familliarity to be more right. But I do not ever call my friends, clients, family by those names. I find them over the top and they are hurtful, if anything else, because you may say "love" to a friend, and then the next day, hate them. So what happened to that word which was supposed to mean strong feelings for someone? Has it been suddenly ereased?

People who call me "babe" are usually assholes in the street that have nothing to do of their days other than salivate on any female with 2 legs passing by, and harrassing them; the same as "allright luv" from builders; and I find that behaviour irritating. I want to be treated with respect, and people to keep their distance and know where they stand.

But otherwise, yes, it could be nice to meet you one day. Just be careful what you call me, I am an adult, I have feelings and I don't want to be fooled into things that are not.

But I never call my clients Baby!!! OH my god. I d feel so silly calling them that when they are fully grown adults...

Anyway, I know you didn't mean it badly and I just wanted to show you that words can be sometimes perceived a different way that they are meant; and one has to be careful with what words they use.
It is a culture maybe. I find it juvenile and unintersting. But it is a culture.


C

From: "dave s" <h@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 3:14 AM
To: c@o.co.uk
Subject: Re: NAKED GROUP PARTIES IN B/USA

woah

that's a downer of an email, to be sure.

i certainly didnt mean anything like what you perceived. it kinda makes me hesitant to write anything else to you.

perhaps you are taking me too seriously? too literally?
for without tone, how can you really know what i meant? and if you thought you did know, and felt offended, isn't rule one of email communication to step back and clarify, WITHOUT jumping to conclusions?

anyway - sorry to offend you.
peace.
dave

From: "C@o.co.uk" Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 10:35 AM
To: "dave s" <h@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: NAKED GROUP PARTIES IN B/USA

Dave,

I like doing that; actually expressing what happens in myself after something has 'affected' my mind in some way; it is no anger or bad feelings; it is a "reaction" to something; and to me, it is interseting to explain; because most of us just act in our lives without thinking and by habit (and I do too, as well as you must also do)
But the work I have done on myself over the years has made me watch myself more carefully than ever; my behaviour, reaction to others, ,patterns, for example, or the words that I use all the time, and what do those words mean to my mind, why do I say them, and I also observe other people.
It doesn't mean that to call someone "babe" is wrong; it is just a different way of living and calls the other person to be closer than they really are, to the person that says that.
But I do find it deceiving; it is also demeaning because it puts a full person down to the level of a "cute thing which is very vulnerable and a bit useless" if you think of a baby. However magnificent a baby is, it cannot live on its own. What does that mean of a woman?

I mean, millions of people use "babe" in their vocabulary; but I don't. It is a choice; to me, it feels wrong, and never mind the tone, whether it be casual, joking or what: the thing is, the word has been sent into the universe and what is its meaning? What will the recipient feel subconsciously, if he is called all day long "babe"? Eventually, those words stick to us. The same if you keep repeating to a child "you are useless! You are stupid! and even if the parent don't really mean that; the child perceives this as truth, and soon, makes it its own reality, growing up into someone low confident somewhere, because he is persuaded he is good for nothing. Words affect us.

Had you called me "white angel" at the beginning of the email, it would have had a different energy to it. Had you call me "Race horse" or "Cabbage" again would have a different energy, and whether a big part of population uses those words daily to call others, doesn't change the fact that at their core, those words have a meaning. And it is best to say what we truly mean to reflect who we really are.

I also personally, feel that when I don't know someone, it is polite and respectful to call them by their name, and not by some "casual word from out there", like Darling or Babe, since no level of intimacy has been reached. Do you know what I mean about that one? This is more personal, more like my own opinion than the above.


This is how I live my life; I feel, I perceive, I let my mind tell me what it thinks and I act on it. It isn't meant as an attack on you; it's you make you think of your way of behaving with others that you do not know. Keeping a respectful distance and not intruding.
I am sure saying babe (with a small b as well) is normal for you and you don't see anything wrong with it; and you may say to your friends "Waaaah I met that weirdo on the net who had a total go at me for calling her babe even though I meant nothing at all" that is fine; I don't mind.

Anyway, there is no way I am coming to the USA as I am very happy in England, so you are quite safe, I won't visit you!

All the best and I am glad you have found your niche of work on the net.

C

I woke up to this this morning...I actually felt quite guilty and depressed! His point is very valid also and he doens't seem o dim anymore.

ok, well i chose to take a bit of time from your email- it just seems you are very very intense. sometimes intensity is good. sometimes it is a turn off.

here are some of my thoughts:
you say calling a person "baby" puts them down to the level of a "cute thing which is very vulnerable and a bit useless"
now, lest you think i am something i am not: i am a full believer in equality for women, and i consider myself a feminist. but what, Euphrasie, is wrong with any of us... indeed, ALL of us - men AND women... being, for a moment in time, a cute thing that is vulnerable and yes, even useless?
have you no sense of play? have you no ability to switch roles (i am referring to top/bottom here)???

you have obviously been called "baby" one too many times. i can only guess that you are harassed on the street a lot, and naturally that can become exhausting and infuriating. but i still think you jumped on me unfairly because you really didn't hear me say it, you just read it. seems like in your mind, there is NEVER a chance for someone to use a term of endearment to be friendly...

unless perhaps it is the terms YOU choose.

and that is the beauty of language, and of us as humans to have the ability to speak. we can CHOOSE our words and create our world. i get what you mean in terms of how the recipient feels, and hopefully i have already shown you that my intent was not to get you riled up - but what about me, as the speaker? you did not give me even an inch in terms of my own ability to express myself... it was only about how you felt. interesting.
so let me turn the tables. if i called you...
"white angel" - i would have felt racist (and weird. angel as a reference sounds like i am living in a Celine Dion song, and personally i detest her music).
"Race horse" - i would have felt like i was labeling you as a sexual torpedo... which wouldve seemed very disrespectful since you and i have never even been intimate.
"Cabbage" - i would have felt very odd, as it is a term of endearment that you use in French, i think- but we do not use here. it sounds like a vegetable name. think if someone called you "carrot" - doesnt that sound odd?

which of course leads me to my ultimate point, which is that one should be careful about criticising another person in a language which is ultimately not one's own. english is my native tongue, but i also speak japanese and indonesian. i would never think of jumping down a japanese person's throat based on what they wrote me, no matter how proficient i think i am in japanese. there's just too much for me to misunderstand.

just saying.

as for the visit, that is unfortunate. although you do sound a little bit like a "weirdo on the net," i would still welcome you with open arms. (oh god, is that ok to say???!!??) i kinda like weirdos.
ok. gotta go.
peace.

He is blaming my frenchness for "misunderstanding" him!!! Boohoooooooooooooooooo
THat is an easy one though. I wonder what he would have said if I was English. Never mind, I will go off now all depressed and thinking that I didn't leave him space nor give him benefit of the doubt(which I thought I had) nor give him hte room to express, which again, I have. But why do I waste my time with people I dont know when I have other friend's emails I am not replying to, which would be much more fulfilling and whom I feel accepted by?
I am certainly not passing to see him anyway. I detest Cceline Dion too. But she wasn't the one that invented angels.